I feel so sad rn. Yesterday I had another mental breakdown and a panic attack and my parents were real close to sending me to the hospital so I had to log out of my Instagram and delete ALL of my thinspo pics and workout plans on my phone bc if they would have taken my phone it would only make everything worse. Luckily they didn't take my phone, but still all my pics are deleted...
Why is the World falling apart? Why does everything around me keeps shattering? Why am I not good enough and why can't i be?
I guess there are just too many people who hate me for who I am by the words of my so called friends. Thanks for nothing, if i don't wake up anymore i just want to say, that you were bad and mean people. I got used to being alone, I got used to being who i am. Then why do you have to make everything even worse?
Words can hurt!
You seem to be happy, because you can follow your dreams while leaving me. Guess what? I am not! I hate being left and I'm tired of it. I don't want to be left anymore. I am not someone's toy that gets thrown away after you got bored of it and only gets a meaning for it's life if someone else wants it. I am me and i can't be changed, you can't change me and nobody else can. It's hard to live in a world full of hate where everybody just judges by looking at someone.
I may seem creepy or bad, just because how I look. But do you know how many thoughts I keep inside of my mind? Do you know what Storys I could tell, what I could imagine and how I could open up to someone if they would stay long enough? Of course not!
I may not be the best looking or the most talented, but if the world was blind, how many people could you attract?
Purged again bc i was alone and my family celebrated valentines day and I'm the only one without somebody so I had to stay home and then I felt bad and purged and now I feel even worse. Why can I only complain
Why am i Not important to anyone. I could disappear in a second and no one would notice bc they don't care. My so called friends move or go on an exchange, my family doesn't want me or just cares about my sis. She's almost 21 Dammit and everyone's just talking about her, bc she's so poor cause her boyfriend betrays her and she gets so skinny because if the stress the whole situation causes. Why do they care so much about her while she's the one in charge. She doesn't want to break up with him. She is being dumb and lets him play with her. She tells everyone that he's a cheater and that she hates but only one week later they're happy again while I'm in my room crying and being anxious and having those fucking thoughts but nobody cares. If I disappeared nobody would notice. The world wouldn't care bc i would be just someone in history like all the others bc i am not important. Thanks to the world for making me feel that way.