Last thursday my abusive ex-husband called to ask if he could take my son for the weekend. I declined because there was only a days notice and my sister had just flown in from Vancouver for the weekend.
That's when things got heated. I haven't heard that tone of voice since he was removed from the house by the police nearly 3 years ago. He was just in a blind rage that I had to nerve to put my foot down and tell him he needs to plan visits ahead, cause we weren't going to change all of our plans to accommodate him. And he not only yelled at me, he yelled at my mother - which really gets me. Ugh. 😠
I spiraled, I called everyone I could think of to get an EPO (emergency protection order.) His PO said she agreed, the lawyers handling the divorce agreed too. The police on the other hand said I'd need to go to the court house, and I've been too drained to do so yet. Tomorrow I'll go file for it.
My last EPO expired last September, 2 years after he was charged with Criminal Assault, but he had had a warrant out for his arrest in Alberta until just days ays ago. I can't get an official retraining order because he lives in a different province. Which I think is rediculous.
I havent felt that fear in a long time. I was scared & I cried so much... it opened up old wounds and I felt I was being revictimized by reliving the abuse in my head. Hypervigilance has kicked back in ans I havent slept well since. The old sleep with one eye open thing comes to mind... So when dealing with domestic violence survivors - never assume to know whats really going on behind closed doors. And that's partially why I am choosing to post about this, there needs to be more awareness to #DomesticViolence and #PTSD and that the abuse doesn't always stop once the abuser is out of the house, especially if children are involved. Abusers like to use the children as pawns to manipulate to victim.
We are strong but we can still be wounded. I'm so thankful I have my PTSD support group this week. 😧
Months ago I was told many things including that I was not enough, and I let you opinion tare me in two. But now I see you for who you are. I see myself for who I am and let me tell you I didn’t see my worth then, but now I do. And I’m so thankful for the lesson you taught me, but I’m even more thankful that your gone. Like the leaves on a branch, I left you with the change of a season. #youareenough#fuckyou#standyourground#narcissit#yyc